Grammer in Song Titles

Ok, a particularly slow workflow day today which led to me (and Surely i'm not alone here) Sorting out my iTunes. Putting the right albums into the right genres etc. When it hit me that Grammer seemingly has no place in music. When Did It All Begin? That If A Word Is In A Song Title, It Has To Have A Fucking Capital Letter On It. Unless of Course, it's an Incidental one Like that. Who decided this, why has noone put an end to it and what are the rules?
Why does and not need a capital letter yet These does?
I'm very tempeted to write a book on the subject, just like 'Eats, Shoots And Leaves'
but i'll call it, i dunno. 'When in Doubt, Stick a Fuckin Capital On it.'
Wow i really need to ask for more work.

Stupid Policemen

Ok, so. I was burgled the other night. (I know, how very London) Not my house, you understand. My beloved Shed. MY SHED. Ok so it did have 2 brand new bikes in it but thats not the point. Who breaks into sheds? Trainee Burgulars? "Start off with a shed, son. Build your confidence".
Anyway as annoying as this was it was all fine with insurance so no biggy. I just wanted to comment though on the policeman (woman but thats not the point) who came around to my shed to investigate said crime. After looking at the lock which had obviously been busted open with a crowbar, this were her 3 questions to me.

1) Was it locked? (The padlock was still dangling from the remains of the busted lock)
2) Is this a wood shed? (ok a) it was clearly wood and b) if it wasnt wood would it still be a shed, When does a shed become an outhouse, become a garage, anyway i digress)
3) Did you see them do it?
Ok the last question was fair enough. But i had already told her that it had happened overnight and i think i may have mentioned the fact that i had witnessed the whole thing upfront.

Anyway she then proceeded to look closer at the lock. Turning to me she says.
"It was probably a crowbar" (no shit) "we wont be able to get any fingerprints" (Bugger, such a genius criminal not to try to bust open a lock with his bare hands)
There was an awkward silence and then she was off.
I am telling you, if this is the quality of Policemen that patrol the streets these days i am seriously considering a life of crime as a freaking badger could outwit these dullards!
Sorry rant over.

BTW if you do happen to see a black Specialised Sirrus Elite on your travels, do let me know.

Future Pigeon

I saw this grotesque, deformed excuse for a pigeon today and it started me thinking how the future of pigeon kind would evolve or rather devolve. Surely their demise will affect humanity. They would, i expect, become a flightless rodent much like the rat, only more bold and less inhibited. They would be reduced to scrambling around our detritus, much like they do today only without the back up of natures little ejector seat. Their loss of flight would surely mean they would cease to be the 'jolly' little fellas that used to inhabit Trafalgar square. Imagine getting your picture taken with THAT monstrosity. No doubt they would be hunted by vermin extinguishers, perhaps they would find their way into many more currys and 'prawn' balls. And, you know what? Bloody good riddance to them. They're always pecking at my lawn looking for non existent bird seed. Just because the ever popular and future ruler of the bird kingdom; the blue tit has the dexterity to navigate my bird feeder above them. But We should, i think spare a thought for the dinosaur of all pastimes. 'The pigeon fancier'

The Twats